Professor Ingle Quote of the Day!

"What makes a yellow-throated warbler a yellow-throated warbler? The fact that it's yellow-throated warbler."

"Naming things is a way to exert dominion over them--that's why Adam named the animals. And that's why we name our children. As a matter of fact, that's why we give them 3 names...more power!"

Dr. Clauson Quote of the Day!

"There were many sects of Puritans. There were the Dissenters, Separatists, Congregationalists, Virgin Life Livers...they didn't last long..."

Dr. Mortenson Quote of the Day!

"[Before the Baroque period], we had a lot of God music. That is to say, only God and people with doctorates in musicology understood it."

Dr. Mills Quotes of the Day!

"Well, now we'll move from Valentines Day...to Marx and the oppression of humankind." 

"It's as if they're saying, 'Buy this [mouthwash], or you'll be alone....FOREVER!'"

Dr. Mills telling a story about two greedy people...

"'Haha! Now I have a concrete goose and you don't.' 'Well fine then, I'll steal your concrete goose!' 'Hey! This is not cool!'"

Dr. Markham Quote of the Day!

"I once broke up with a boy because he didn't like apples. Who doesn't like apples?"


"Unfortunately [for behavioral scientists], college students don't usually peck and sniff in corners."

Dr. Ham Quotes of the Day!

"What I'm really trying to do is look into your heart. But I can't, so I look at the attendence sheet."


"For Christians, this is how it goes. Narnia? Magic good. Harry Potter? Magic Bad."

Dr. Tse Quote of the Day!

We were discussing counselors being attracted to their clients. When trying to illustrate this point Dr. Tse said the following:

"What do you do if you find you're attracted to your client? You know, that woman's sweet aroma, or that guy busting out of his shirt?" 

Dr. Mills Quotes of the Day!

"That's exactly what we want: use what you've learned here to terrorize your other professors!"

*  *  *

"Gather around, children. It's metaphysical story time!"

*  *  *

Dr. Mills writes the word Kalaam on the board and then looks at it ponderingly and says:

"Kalaam...I think it has an accent in there somewhere."

Then writes it again: `Kálàâm′

Dr. Mills Quotes of the Day!

Dr. Mills: "How much power does God have? He's the source of power! And you could apply that to any part of God."

David (who sits next to me): "How many teeth does God have? He's the source of teeth!"

Dr. Mills: "Well, you know what they say...all tooth is God's tooth!"

*  *  *

"Hypercalvinism? Oh, that's when you give Calvinists a lot of sugar and red food coloring."

Dr. Becknell Quote of the Day!

Context:
First, this was sang to the Tune of "The B-I-B-L-E, yes that's the book for me..."
Second, DLPFT stands for Dorsolateral Prefrontal Cortex, which is a region of the brain. Hypofrontality refers to damage to this region.

"The D-L-P-F-T, hypofrontality, the negative symptoms of Schizophrenia, the D-L-P-F-T!"

And yes, he made us sing it...



"My family was very poor. Do you know how poor we were? We were so poor, we couldn't pay attention."

Dr. Becknell Quote of the Day!

(forgive me if this is a little crass, but it was so funny I couldn't pass it up)

"Lance Armstrong is still with us today, but with only one testicle, mind you."

Dr. Becknell Quote of the Day!

"Do you know what's wrong with the gene pool? There's no lifeguard!"

Dr. Brown Quote of the Day!

"[We might ask ourselves] why did God give oil to the arab people? Why not the Swiss? They're nice!"

"Reasons to justify pre-marital sex:...#5 Because marriage is boring. People, if your marriage is boring, it's because YOU are boring."

"I asked pastor Rhom what the opposite of irony was and do you know what he said? Wrinkly."

Dr. Hwang Quote of the Day!

Imagine the following quotes said in a very chipper voice with a heavy chinese accent.

"In heaven, God will give us the population mean! So I've been wondering what my job will be in heaven because we won't need statistics. I was thinking about what would make me the most popular...and I thought, 'Sell ice cream!'"


(In response to a question about why she used the sample numbers instead of the population numbers)

"The population is holy. We do not touch them."

The Dr. Dixon Quote of the Day!

"When daughters turn about 11 or 12 they go from Daddy's little girl...to Satan's little girl."

(This next quote is after Dr. Dixon told a story about how he made a girl cry after jokingly remarking on how close she was sitting to her boyfriend. There was just one problem; she was actually having a really hard day and her boyfriend was sitting their trying to comfort her. After telling his story, one of the students in my class asked if they were actually doing something inappropriate and this was Dr. Dixon's response.)

"This couple didn't bother me at all! I was just joking. I've seen couples who bother me...for them to cry would be a godly thing!" 

Dr. Dixon Quote of the Day!

That's right folks! Your amusing quotes of the day are back!

"[In Heaven], we're gonna be able to drink all the ice cold Mountain Dew we want and not gain a pound!"


"Whether or not you think your religion is crazy depends on...well...how you define crazy!"

Dr. Hutchison Quote of the Day!

"Witherirons; just a word everyone should know.  I like that word...that's really the only reason why I'm going over this."


"Given the infinite amount of time I don't have..."


"Little known fact: when something dies, it stops eating and breathing."


(We were talking about secondary protein structure and Dr. H said "pleated sheet" however, some people thought he said, "bleated sheep") 


"No, it is not a 'bleated sheep.' It does not go bahhhhh, and there is no manger here." 

Dr. Hutchison Advice Column of the Day!

Some valuable life lessons from Dr. Hutchison:

"If you ever feel tempted to dump fingernail polish remover on something very hot, don't do it." 


"If you ever decide to become an evil mastermind, don't attack a chemistry lab. We basically just sit around and dream of ways to use our chemicals to blow things up."


"It would be very wise of you to come to chemistry on Monday (the last day of class). Very wise...because you never know when you might have a pop quiz."

Dr. Hutchison Quote of the Day!

"Skunk scent is made up of ethers--I used these in my graduate research to run experiments.  I actually exhausted all the skunk scent on the market in the US. I couldn't buy anymore because no one had it, so my friend suggested I start a skunk farm."




"So how do we name an amine? We shall call it Fred!"

Dr. Hutchison Quote of the Day!

"Next we are going to study Markovnikov's rule. Isn't that just a fun name to say? Mar-KOV-ni-kov! You know, I wanted to name my firstborn son Markovnikov. But then, I got married and that idea went out the window VERY quickly."


"I always felt funny coming out of the lab storage closet with two large jugs of 200-proof alcohol."