Professor Ingle Quote of the Day!

"I do have a masters degree, so you could call me 'Master Ingle.' I think I would like that."

Quirks of Evangelical Christians - II

Thou Shalt Not...

Say ANYTHING about works while presenting the gospel. Do not mention potential martyrdom, necessity of faith and works together, suffering, or any other such troubling teachings.

Thou Shalt Instead...

Present gospel message using colored beads - 3 of which must be the colors black (sin), red (Jesus' blood), and white (cleansing from sin). The acronym ABC (Admit sin, Believe, Confess Jesus as Savior) and/or the Roman's Road are also appropriate. 

Reason: 
Well, it's just how we've always done it. Plus, we wouldn't want someone to reject the gospel because following Christ is difficult and requires total transformation - we prefer to let them figure out that little detail for themselves after conversion. Additionally, colors and acronyms are catchy and "gospel beads" bracelets make a good VBS craft. 

The Power of Story

I will let this poem speak for itself. 

At The Smithville Methodist Church

by Stephen Dunn

It was supposed to be Arts & Crafts for a week, 
but when she came home 
with the "Jesus Saves" button, we knew what art 
was up, what ancient craft. 

She liked her little friends. She liked the songs
they sang when they weren't 
twisting and folding paper into dolls.
What could be so bad?

Jesus had been a good man, and putting faith
in good men was what
we had to do to stay this side of cynicism, 
that other sadness.

Ok, we said, One week. But when she came home
singing "Jesus loves me,
the Bible tells me so," it was time to talk.
Could we say Jesus

Thou Shalt Not - The Quirks of Evangelical Christians

Connotations--the baggage we place with words--hold strong sway over us as human beings. In the Evangelical community this can take on a particularly amusing religious flavor. Thus begins my first venture to record some the unusually funny "Thou Shalt Nots" of Protestant Evangelicals. (Please note that this is not intended to offend, but merely to amuse.)

Thou Shalt Not...
Use the words "Metaphor" and "Scripture" in the same sentence.

Thou Shalt Instead...
Use the words "literal" and "inerrant" in great excess.

Reason:
Because metaphors are deceiving vehicles of untruth and literature cannot be both metaphorical and true at the same time. Unless of course we are talking about C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolken, in which case we must point out to everyone that their books are metaphors/allegories for Christian themes.

(You know it's true! ^_^)