Thou Shalt Not - The Quirks of Evangelical Christians

Connotations--the baggage we place with words--hold strong sway over us as human beings. In the Evangelical community this can take on a particularly amusing religious flavor. Thus begins my first venture to record some the unusually funny "Thou Shalt Nots" of Protestant Evangelicals. (Please note that this is not intended to offend, but merely to amuse.)

Thou Shalt Not...
Use the words "Metaphor" and "Scripture" in the same sentence.

Thou Shalt Instead...
Use the words "literal" and "inerrant" in great excess.

Reason:
Because metaphors are deceiving vehicles of untruth and literature cannot be both metaphorical and true at the same time. Unless of course we are talking about C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolken, in which case we must point out to everyone that their books are metaphors/allegories for Christian themes.

(You know it's true! ^_^)