Chelsea and the Dress

The following post is a fun piece that I wrote last year for my old blog. Please enjoy!

Once upon a time there lived an extremely awkward, frizzy haired teenager named Chelsea Clinton. She was daughter of the renowned couple, Bill and Hillary Clinton. (Wonderful liberals!) Chelsea met a handsome young man named Marc Mezvinsky, son of Ed Mezvinsky who is more or less famous, due to also being a politician and serving prison time for charges of bank fraud. They were a picture of Democrat perfection! After breaking up in high school and then getting back together later in life, they decided to get engaged. Their recent marriage sealed the deal, but this love story didn't end in a splendid, fairytale wedding. The day they tied the knot had a few serious problems. The first of which is the wedding dress.

Early on in the paparazzi game, it was discovered that Miss Clinton intended to wear a gown by famous designer Vera Wang. (Although Chelsea did take great pains to hide herself.)

 



But alas, after all the hard work of shopping for the perfect gown, Chelsea ended up in a dress that was less than stellar. Chelsea's strapless dress was a slight ivory. The top was made up of ruching and a very ornate diamond belt. Though I am not a huge fan of strapless I was surprised by the tastefulness of the dress...until I looked down.  Chelsea's dress did not flair at the hips like any good A line should. Instead it was drop waist. And the worst part? The waist made a V shape at the crotch.



What could have been a tasteful waist line became a major fashion faux pas! As we move down the dress it doesn't get much better. Her skirt appears to be material that wasn't properly sewn together. Looking more like bird feathers then a dress skirt, Chelsea's Vera Wang ended in a not-so-fairytale way.



Now for all my complaining about Chelsea's dress, there is one good thing about it. Thank heavens Chelsea's dress was not as bad as her mother's! Hillary Clinton rarely shows her feminine side. Most times we see her in business suits making those charming statements about feminism and corrupted Healthcare Reform. Many of us probably looked forward to seeing this softer side of Hilary on her daughter's wedding day, but seeing the dress she wore would make the most ardent admirer wish she would have stuck to business suits.

The  fuchsia Oscar de la Renta sported by Hilary was totally inappropriate for the occasion. It came closer to the look of an 18-year-old's prom dress rather than that of a Mother-of-the-bride. The dress,  beginning with puffed sleeves and a way-too-tight bodice, sealed its fate as it ended in a spray of pink kiddie flowers (the kind you would expect to see at kindergarden in the spring.) It was, in short, a complete and utter disaster! If you are wondering what Chelsea is thinking in the picture below, I'll clue you in. She is saying to herself, as she examines her mother's dress choice, "Mom, what were you thinking? You are 30 years too old for that dress! And even then, who would wear that?!".





So, all in all, Chelsea's wedding was a bit of a disappointment to me. The only thing I can say that I really did like was the cake which I saw in a magazine. Unfortunately, that picture has not been released to the internet so I am sorry to say that the only tasteful part of the wedding will have to wait till later.

And so ends our tale of romance. Like many marriages between the rich and famous, you can never be sure it will last.  However, I will at least wish my Democrat friends happily ever after (and better taste in dresses) for years to come!

The End